Thirty eight years and counting!!

I just realised that today, (November 6th.), is a very important day for our family. We - my two children and I-arrived in this country for the very first time thirty eight years ago today. My husband had been here before for a couple of years. Then he left for England to get his training in Surgery. We got married while he was there.

Thirty eight years! So much has happened since that very cold day in Bangor, Maine. That was our port of entry in United States. I vaguely remember standing there and trying to humor our very tired two and half year old daughter and one and half year old son. Finally we got our 'green cards'-which were actually blue and boarded a flight to John F. Kennedy airport in New York where we hoped a friend waited to take us to his home.


Anyway, as I said before so much has happened in these years. Those two children have grown up to be responsible adults with adorable children of their own. We now have five very good looking well mannered, smart, witty grandchildren who make us feel proud to be their grand parents. My husband started his general surgery practice in this small bluegrass community and practiced successfully for twenty six years. He was well known for his expertise, fairness and caring nature amongst his patients, employees, and colleagues. Though he has closed his practice almost ten years ago his patients and coworkers still remember him fondly. He must have influenced his children positively. Our daughter is as hard working as her father and is raising her two sons in the same way that she was raised, in a loving but firm atmosphere. Our son has followed his father's footsteps and become a physician too. People who have come in contact with him tell me that he reminds them of his father. One very interesting fact about our children is that both of them became presidents of their junior as well as their senior classes in high school. I think that feat was a first for sister and brother in the local high school and a feat that has still not been matched. As for me, I received my teaching certificate from the state of Kentucky, got another Masters degree, taught in the local public school system working with the gifted children, resigned and started a catering company and spent some interesting years with that. I was compelled to give that up to look after my aging aunt. About eight years ago I started to work in our local library as a part-time reference library assistant.



Things have changed in this community too. Population of this county has grown four fold since we moved here. We got a new hospital, a new library, two new elementary schools, one elementary school was rebuilt after a tornado destroyed it, another was constructed in northern part of the county to replace an outdated and over populated one; an oulet mall came to town that attracted many tourists and other strip malls were also built. Most notable change took place when Toyota decided to built a factory here. Of course many of the changes that I have written about happened because of Toyota. The county went from being 'dry' to 'wet.' That attracted a few chain eateries here as well as opened some new resturants. Instead of one Chinese places to eat we now have four or five. If we so desire we can also eat Mexican cuisine too. And all these places have become 'smoke-free' zones too. We also have a wonderful exercise facility complete with a walking track and huge indoor swimming pool. Because of the population explosion numerous subdivisions have sprung up all over the town and county. People of many origins now call Scott County their home. I am sure there are other changes that have taken place in addition to the ones that I have mentioned.

We have also witnessed coming and going of seven presidents, changes in lifestyles, advances in technology, medicine, capture and release of hostages, read about global warming, and just recently applauded the election of the first black president of this country.

All this makes me realise once more that nothing in this life is static. Changes are happening all the time There are many instances that we should be thankful for. Also, there are, and always would be, things to pray for. I am just grateful to have the opportunity to live and learn in this great community and be a part of it. I do not know how many days or years that I have left, but I pray that I continue to see other changes that take place here.

Today is a special day in India-specially in West Bengal, the state where I come from. Today all bengalis celebrate 'bhai phonta' or when sisters pray for their brothers wellbeing and good health, and brothers pledge to take care of their sisters. On this day, early in the morning, a sister prepared a special place for her brother to sit, prepared his favorite breakfast or have for him a plateful of sweets and savory snacks, have a gift ready on a plate with a small bowl of white sandlewood paste. She then lit a lamp by the seat and asked her brother to sit on his place. Then after dabbing a sandlewood dot on his forehead while reciting a four line prayer and showering him with her blessings,(if he was younger than her), or touching his feet,(if he was older), and asked for his blessings. She then gave him his gift- which could be money or or clothes or something else to his liking. Lastly she would offer him the plateful of food and ask him to eat. Only after he had started to eat would she break her fast and eat something.

I remember years ago when I was growing up, all of us cousin sisters donning our nearly new outfits after our baths and getting the dining room ready for our brothers and male cousins. One of us made the sandlewood paste while the others arranged the sweet and savory snacks on plates. We then ran to get our gifts and lined up as our brothers took their seats. We made sure that the lamp was lit in the prayer room before we started down the line to apply sandlewood dot on forehead of our brothers, recite the four line prayer, give and collect gifts. The rest of the day was spent in merriment. The ladies of the household and older cousin sisters cooked special favorites of the male members of the family, who in turn provided the desserts for the day by getting what the ladies liked.

Eversince I have come away from India I never fail to call my brother before I have breakfast on this special day and recite the four line prayer for him. He, in turn, says that he is missing the smell of sandlewood on his forehead. We talk and joke for a while, both of us missing that sweet time of the past. I did introduce my children to this ritual as they were growing up. And though it was a school day most years, and not a holiday as in India, they managed to get up early to go through with a short ceremony before they left for school. The dinner was special that evening, most of it cooked by me-their mother. My daughter helped in setting the table. Brother and sister usually gave each other monetary gifts. As days passed they grew up, went away to school and now have families of their own. They do not remember this ceremony anymore-unless I remind them. But I do not do that these days; as I see it, one remembers a ceremony only if it holds a meaning for the person. One should not force another to go through something that has no importance and is only an empty ritual.

Continuation of 'Things that I miss.'

This time of the year we celebrate many other festivals too. The most important of these is the Festival of Lights or Diwali. This particular festival is observed differently in different regions of the country. For example, in West Bengal - the state from where I come- it is a two day festival. On the afternoon of the first day fourteen different types of greens are cooked together and were eaten with rice during lunch. Why fourteen-I really do not know. But it was always done. Then as the evening drew near fourteen clay lamps were lit and placed in different rooms of the house-including bathrooms and even, just outside the front door- to drive away evil spirits and dispel darkness. Next day got really exciting! All the youngsters of the household had to make wicks from old white cotton sari for approximately a hundred clay lamps which were filled with oil and arranged on the balustrades of our house and lit as the evening fell. The sight was spectacular!! The picture posted here will give the reader some idea of how beautiful our homes looked.

Then all of us gathered outside for the fireworks. Almost every household had a show of their own - even if it was just sparklers. Next on the agenda was usually getting in our car and going for a ride around the neighborhood to see the lights on other houses. We returned to a sumptious dinner which was more like a feast. After that we again piled into the car to go to see Kali puja, worship of Goddess Kali, a diety who came to earth Hindus believe to rid our planet of evil. This was again victory of good over evil. That was Diwali of my growing up years.

In other parts of India instead of Kali, Goddess Lakshmi is worshiped. Lakshmi is believed to be in charge of wealth and good fortune. Believers there think that the houses are illuminated so that Lakshmi would know which house to enter and bestow her blessings to the inhabitants of that household. Some believe that we celebrate Diwali for Rama - the banished king of Ayodhya- who returned to his kingdom with his consort Sita and brother Lakshman after fourteen years. Fireworks were lit and the houses were illuminated to welcome him back. Dewali is a celebration of that anniversary. Some believe, specially among merchants, it is the beginning of new year. New clothes are bought as gifts for family members and sweets are distributed to workers.

There are still other beliefs. But be that as it may, Dewali is a celebration with light, fireworks, special worships, new clothes, jewlry, utensils for the house, good food and delicious desserts. Keeping all that in mind we celebrate the festival in this country- our adopted home- by getting together either in our homes or temples or community halls. Our children perform in cultural programs with dances and songs which are taught to them by some talented adults. There is always some form of religious ceremony, followed by either a potluck or catered banquet. If possible we light some fireworks and reminesce of other Dewalis of the past. Some things have changed in India too. I am told that instead of the clay lamps, candles or tiny electric lights similar to Christmas lights, are now used. Commercialism has crept in and huge amounts of money are now spent in decorating the markets and business districts of every town and city. Cards and other gifts are send out with Dewali greetings to friends and family.But the spirit of the festival is still there and that is what we try to establish here-even it is for a weekend or day.

Things that I miss

There are several things that I miss about the land of my birth. I would always miss my relatives who still live there. I also miss many of the festivals that I celebrated with my family and friends throughout the year. Around this time every year we celebrated Durga Puja when we worshipped God as our Divine Mother who killed the demon king Mahishasur. Symbolically this is victory of good over evil. It is believed by all Hindus that Mother Goddess comes to world for four days when She is worshipped by her followers. And since She is here for four days the celebration goes on for four days. New outfits are bought for all family members, cultural functions are held everywhere, special meals are sometimes prepared, and many magazines come out with issues dedicated to this particular celebration. So this is not only a religious event, this is also a cultural event. All offices, banks, schools and so on are closed for these four days. This festival is celebrated in this country too. In fact, the picture above is that of the deities in a city in USA. Of course since it is not an official holiday here, it only takes place during a weekend that is closest to the actual celebration in India. The two principle reasons for it to be held outside of India are that all of us missed the celebration of this festival and that we wanted our children to learn something of their heritage. So along with the religious worship we also have cultural festivities where children and adults take part in performing dances, music and drama. In larger cities stalls are set up by vendors to sell bengali books, DVDs, audio CDs and Indian outfits. Families and friends gather together from far and near and the atmosphere is that of a huge reunion. We still prepare the specific food that is served in India.Though we realise that we would not get the typical flowers that is used in making garlands for the deities we use what we can get here. Yes, all of us know that we are not in India, but at least for that one weekend we try to create the atmosphere that we miss so much.

Some other changes

Another major change was that of my food habits. In India we were used to eating only Indian cuisine when we were growing up, specially for our main meals - lunch and dinner. For lunch the main ingredient was rice which was consumed with a few vegetable preparations and fish. For dinner we frequently had tortilla-like freshly made bread called roti which we ate with vegetables with gravy, a meat curry and so on. The drink with these meals were always water. Tea, (hot and always served with milk and sugar), was made for breakfast and afternoon snacktime. In our house we had toasts for breakfast and fruits and other Indian snacks were served during afternoon teatime betrween 4 and 5 p.m.. Growing up with with this type of food I had to learn to adjust to different kinds of food preparation and meals. In the beginning I thought it rather strange to eat just baked or fried pieces of meat without any spice and call those 'chops.' In India a chop was deliciously spiced breaded and fried. It could be either vegetarian or non-vegetarian. It is very similar to what is known here as croquettes. It was also quite strange to eat boiled vegetables with just salt and pepper with the meals. But my husband appreciated western meals too. So with help of our friends I learned to prepare, and gradually to also enjoy western cuisine. Now I really like to have just a salad for lunch and dinner. This is still unthinkable to my relatives in India!! All this has taught me that out habits can be changed with the environment and that the changed habits can be enjoyed as much, sometimes even more, than the habits that one grows up with. I have also learned not to critisize and consider our ways as the only way to do things. There are many different lifestyles in this world. Differences have taught me many things and broadened my outlook. I am thankful to God for letting me have this opportunity.

Adjustments- continued

My lifestyle changed in other ways too. One major change that I had to get used to was managing without servants, washerwoman, a cook and so on. Though India was considered to be a 'poor country' by many people across the world, most households had some kind of help to aid the lady of the house in accomplishing the management of her household. That 'help' could be someone coming in to scrub the pots and pans the the kitchen, grind the spices needed for daily cooking using the grinding stone and pestle, sweep the dusty floors, wash clothes - in other words do the heavy work around the house so to speak. When I came away from the land of my birth I learned to do all the work myself. I admit that I did feel sorry for myself at that time for all the work that I had to do; but gradually saw the positive results of doing the chores myself. On top of that list was the sense of accomplishment that I felt; closely following that, was that I learned that I did not have to depend on any one to do my work. Of course having machines and gadgets helped too. Now a days I think it is no big deal to run the washing machine and the dryer to do our laundry, and the grinder and the food processor when I am cooking.
In the meantime things have changed in India too. More and more younger couples are managing their households without servants. The machines and gadgets are also available there too. And also because more housewives are following careers now they are also buying more packaged food now. In short, Indians have progressed too.

Some thoughts

Because I am confined to home these days -due to severe pain in my knees- I have had some time to think about some of the changes that I had to adjust to after I came to this country in 1970 and how I have accepted these.
The very first among these is that I had to learn to drive. One of the things that I missed was walking or taking a public transportation to where ever I wanted to go. My husband was busy with his occupation. It was not possible for him to drive me every where. So at his suggestion I enrolled myself in a driving school and after some lessons acquired my driving licence. That was quite a big step for me in those days. Specially so, because at that time in India very few ladies drove their own cars. Of course times have changed there too. Now when I go to visit my relatives in my homeland I see quite a few women drivers in clogged streets of that country. Driving here has given me independence to go where I need to go. But even today I do not drive for enjoyment. I only drive out of necessity.
Now with the price of gas fluctuating almost daily I wish I had also learned how to ride a bike. That would be helpful not only for small chores but also for my health. I wonder if it is possible for a person of my age and girth to be able to learn that now! I wish I knew.
More about my thoughts later. I have to go for physical therapy now.

Who am I?

I have lived in the beautiful bluegrass state of Kentucky for more years now than I lived in the land of my birth-India. I am a wife, mother, grandmother,teacher,part-time librarian,and a friend to numerous transplanted Indians as well as quite a few native Americans- I mean people who were born in this country. I love to read, knit, cook, listen to music- mostly Indian, also instrumental and soft pop. I also enjoy being with children, playing and being with them. Coming to live in another country, very different from the one where I was born, it was hard in the beginning to adjust, to learn another culture and to make new friends and acquaintances. Luckily I did know English; but I did have an accent. In fact I have been told I still speak 'differently.' The reason for this 'differentness' is probably because I was taught the British English whereas here I had to learn to speak American English. But this is my home now and I am quite comfortable here- a transplanted well seasoned Indian in this beautiful bluegrass state.