Today is a special day in India-specially in West Bengal, the state where I come from. Today all bengalis celebrate 'bhai phonta' or when sisters pray for their brothers wellbeing and good health, and brothers pledge to take care of their sisters. On this day, early in the morning, a sister prepared a special place for her brother to sit, prepared his favorite breakfast or have for him a plateful of sweets and savory snacks, have a gift ready on a plate with a small bowl of white sandlewood paste. She then lit a lamp by the seat and asked her brother to sit on his place. Then after dabbing a sandlewood dot on his forehead while reciting a four line prayer and showering him with her blessings,(if he was younger than her), or touching his feet,(if he was older), and asked for his blessings. She then gave him his gift- which could be money or or clothes or something else to his liking. Lastly she would offer him the plateful of food and ask him to eat. Only after he had started to eat would she break her fast and eat something.

I remember years ago when I was growing up, all of us cousin sisters donning our nearly new outfits after our baths and getting the dining room ready for our brothers and male cousins. One of us made the sandlewood paste while the others arranged the sweet and savory snacks on plates. We then ran to get our gifts and lined up as our brothers took their seats. We made sure that the lamp was lit in the prayer room before we started down the line to apply sandlewood dot on forehead of our brothers, recite the four line prayer, give and collect gifts. The rest of the day was spent in merriment. The ladies of the household and older cousin sisters cooked special favorites of the male members of the family, who in turn provided the desserts for the day by getting what the ladies liked.

Eversince I have come away from India I never fail to call my brother before I have breakfast on this special day and recite the four line prayer for him. He, in turn, says that he is missing the smell of sandlewood on his forehead. We talk and joke for a while, both of us missing that sweet time of the past. I did introduce my children to this ritual as they were growing up. And though it was a school day most years, and not a holiday as in India, they managed to get up early to go through with a short ceremony before they left for school. The dinner was special that evening, most of it cooked by me-their mother. My daughter helped in setting the table. Brother and sister usually gave each other monetary gifts. As days passed they grew up, went away to school and now have families of their own. They do not remember this ceremony anymore-unless I remind them. But I do not do that these days; as I see it, one remembers a ceremony only if it holds a meaning for the person. One should not force another to go through something that has no importance and is only an empty ritual.