Today is a special day in India-specially in West Bengal, the state where I come from. Today all bengalis celebrate 'bhai phonta' or when sisters pray for their brothers wellbeing and good health, and brothers pledge to take care of their sisters. On this day, early in the morning, a sister prepared a special place for her brother to sit, prepared his favorite breakfast or have for him a plateful of sweets and savory snacks, have a gift ready on a plate with a small bowl of white sandlewood paste. She then lit a lamp by the seat and asked her brother to sit on his place. Then after dabbing a sandlewood dot on his forehead while reciting a four line prayer and showering him with her blessings,(if he was younger than her), or touching his feet,(if he was older), and asked for his blessings. She then gave him his gift- which could be money or or clothes or something else to his liking. Lastly she would offer him the plateful of food and ask him to eat. Only after he had started to eat would she break her fast and eat something.

I remember years ago when I was growing up, all of us cousin sisters donning our nearly new outfits after our baths and getting the dining room ready for our brothers and male cousins. One of us made the sandlewood paste while the others arranged the sweet and savory snacks on plates. We then ran to get our gifts and lined up as our brothers took their seats. We made sure that the lamp was lit in the prayer room before we started down the line to apply sandlewood dot on forehead of our brothers, recite the four line prayer, give and collect gifts. The rest of the day was spent in merriment. The ladies of the household and older cousin sisters cooked special favorites of the male members of the family, who in turn provided the desserts for the day by getting what the ladies liked.

Eversince I have come away from India I never fail to call my brother before I have breakfast on this special day and recite the four line prayer for him. He, in turn, says that he is missing the smell of sandlewood on his forehead. We talk and joke for a while, both of us missing that sweet time of the past. I did introduce my children to this ritual as they were growing up. And though it was a school day most years, and not a holiday as in India, they managed to get up early to go through with a short ceremony before they left for school. The dinner was special that evening, most of it cooked by me-their mother. My daughter helped in setting the table. Brother and sister usually gave each other monetary gifts. As days passed they grew up, went away to school and now have families of their own. They do not remember this ceremony anymore-unless I remind them. But I do not do that these days; as I see it, one remembers a ceremony only if it holds a meaning for the person. One should not force another to go through something that has no importance and is only an empty ritual.

Continuation of 'Things that I miss.'

This time of the year we celebrate many other festivals too. The most important of these is the Festival of Lights or Diwali. This particular festival is observed differently in different regions of the country. For example, in West Bengal - the state from where I come- it is a two day festival. On the afternoon of the first day fourteen different types of greens are cooked together and were eaten with rice during lunch. Why fourteen-I really do not know. But it was always done. Then as the evening drew near fourteen clay lamps were lit and placed in different rooms of the house-including bathrooms and even, just outside the front door- to drive away evil spirits and dispel darkness. Next day got really exciting! All the youngsters of the household had to make wicks from old white cotton sari for approximately a hundred clay lamps which were filled with oil and arranged on the balustrades of our house and lit as the evening fell. The sight was spectacular!! The picture posted here will give the reader some idea of how beautiful our homes looked.

Then all of us gathered outside for the fireworks. Almost every household had a show of their own - even if it was just sparklers. Next on the agenda was usually getting in our car and going for a ride around the neighborhood to see the lights on other houses. We returned to a sumptious dinner which was more like a feast. After that we again piled into the car to go to see Kali puja, worship of Goddess Kali, a diety who came to earth Hindus believe to rid our planet of evil. This was again victory of good over evil. That was Diwali of my growing up years.

In other parts of India instead of Kali, Goddess Lakshmi is worshiped. Lakshmi is believed to be in charge of wealth and good fortune. Believers there think that the houses are illuminated so that Lakshmi would know which house to enter and bestow her blessings to the inhabitants of that household. Some believe that we celebrate Diwali for Rama - the banished king of Ayodhya- who returned to his kingdom with his consort Sita and brother Lakshman after fourteen years. Fireworks were lit and the houses were illuminated to welcome him back. Dewali is a celebration of that anniversary. Some believe, specially among merchants, it is the beginning of new year. New clothes are bought as gifts for family members and sweets are distributed to workers.

There are still other beliefs. But be that as it may, Dewali is a celebration with light, fireworks, special worships, new clothes, jewlry, utensils for the house, good food and delicious desserts. Keeping all that in mind we celebrate the festival in this country- our adopted home- by getting together either in our homes or temples or community halls. Our children perform in cultural programs with dances and songs which are taught to them by some talented adults. There is always some form of religious ceremony, followed by either a potluck or catered banquet. If possible we light some fireworks and reminesce of other Dewalis of the past. Some things have changed in India too. I am told that instead of the clay lamps, candles or tiny electric lights similar to Christmas lights, are now used. Commercialism has crept in and huge amounts of money are now spent in decorating the markets and business districts of every town and city. Cards and other gifts are send out with Dewali greetings to friends and family.But the spirit of the festival is still there and that is what we try to establish here-even it is for a weekend or day.

Things that I miss

There are several things that I miss about the land of my birth. I would always miss my relatives who still live there. I also miss many of the festivals that I celebrated with my family and friends throughout the year. Around this time every year we celebrated Durga Puja when we worshipped God as our Divine Mother who killed the demon king Mahishasur. Symbolically this is victory of good over evil. It is believed by all Hindus that Mother Goddess comes to world for four days when She is worshipped by her followers. And since She is here for four days the celebration goes on for four days. New outfits are bought for all family members, cultural functions are held everywhere, special meals are sometimes prepared, and many magazines come out with issues dedicated to this particular celebration. So this is not only a religious event, this is also a cultural event. All offices, banks, schools and so on are closed for these four days. This festival is celebrated in this country too. In fact, the picture above is that of the deities in a city in USA. Of course since it is not an official holiday here, it only takes place during a weekend that is closest to the actual celebration in India. The two principle reasons for it to be held outside of India are that all of us missed the celebration of this festival and that we wanted our children to learn something of their heritage. So along with the religious worship we also have cultural festivities where children and adults take part in performing dances, music and drama. In larger cities stalls are set up by vendors to sell bengali books, DVDs, audio CDs and Indian outfits. Families and friends gather together from far and near and the atmosphere is that of a huge reunion. We still prepare the specific food that is served in India.Though we realise that we would not get the typical flowers that is used in making garlands for the deities we use what we can get here. Yes, all of us know that we are not in India, but at least for that one weekend we try to create the atmosphere that we miss so much.